some_hero | [Voice Mail]

Didn't want to waste a perfectly brewed cup of tea Yuki had taken such care to make him after all. Snow was still finishing it up before he noted the surprise and the way Yuki hid his face from view as he carefully set the now empty cup back down next to the teapot.

"Machi, huh. Well, I suspected as much. I bet the girls wouldn't leave you alone. You've definitely pretty striking for a guy." He grinned, but quickly turned sober again at the mention of the letter.

"I got a letter from Serah. So I guess that makes sense." Snow said softly with a nod of agreement. He was listening with rapt attention as the Prince spoke, careful not to interrupt lest Yuki lose his nerve. "So back home, huh? And, well. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you have to take things slow. I don't think it has much to do with experience. It's not everything." Even if Yuki was a virgin that just meant he was devoted, and that was a good sign. Snow had had his fair share of relationships, but they didn't last since the girls were too shallow. Back home, Snow had been a pretty popular, attractive man, and they'd thought to see if he measured up to his size. He'd been guilty of having a few flings too just because he was lonely. Serah was the first one who ever really truly liked him for him.

He moved to sit and straddle one of Yuki's chairs, leaning his arms over the top of it as he looked at him.

"Serah was my wife-to-be. One day, I hoped to marry her before she got branded a l'Cie. I mean, it didn't change my mind but...She completed her Focus and gained eternal life, encased in crystal. Even if one day she might be able to come back, there's no telling when. So I understand. That's pretty rough."

Yuki's face immediately turned red at the compliment. But he tried to ignore it even if his face wouldn't let him do that exactly. "Boys too...but they saw me as..a girl." he managed after a moment. "I'm sure neither would leave..you alone either. Not..with your looks." He couldn't bring himself to say that he thought Snow was handsome. And he was practically tripping over himself to get words that were hard to say past his throat, but he was working on it.

But the way Snow worded things Yuki was not surprised that Snow had been experienced, after all, hearing the story about Serah now..that was proof right there. They would've been married and had children and lived happily ever after..maybe. But the knight deserved a happily ever after. Yuki was sure of that.

His eyes turned when Snow straddled the chair and he had to sit down himself after seeing that. And he shook his head. "You're..you're always so kind..thinking of me when you've had it far rougher than I have." Another shake of the head as he looked at the other. "You..that's amazing."

The blush was something he immediately picked up on, Snow unable to stifle his mirth with the obvious simper pulling his plush lips. "Well..." Snow leaned back a little to survey those soft features. "You look like a man to me. Like what a prince might look like, I think. Somehow...Well-groomed. Girls like that, I think." Soft like Hope maybe, but still a man.

"I won't treat you that way. Especially if you don't like it." He might be delicate with him, but that was another matter. What was more, he thought Yuki was pretty in a good way. It suited him. "'Sides, there's nothing wrong with that." He knew this was dangerous territory so he's being cautious.

"Heh. Thanks..." Snow would take the compliment. "You're right, but...Often that's all they look at." He seems a little sober at that. "I'd prefer if they didn't. Serah was the only one who never acted like she cared about that stuff as much."

"But I'm sure you've been on the bad end of that too, so. I don't need to tell you. Preaching to the choir, right?" He smoothed his hand over his damp hair, running bare fingers through it.

"Aha..I don't know what's really so amazing about doing what everyone ought to a little more often. Still I mean, everyone's got their own burdens and if I can make them easier, even if it's just by listening, I'd rather do that." Kindness, that is. And he's not exactly used to being admired over that, either but he's flattered that Yuki would look up to him like that. "And, you make it easy for me to fuss over you." Snow said a little jokingly, reaching out to ruffle Yuki's hair. He was so tall that extending his arm out across the space between them was pretty easy.

His head turned away quickly when Snow called him a prince. And it took him awhile to find his voice. "That's what they called me in high school. I never fit it...and I'm glad to be..less sought after." And while Yuki could honestly say he hadn't been looking, there really weren't too many girls in Adstringendum anyhow and for that he felt fortunate.

He turned with a look at Snow about the way he worded that treating him that way. But he shook his head. No, Snow was just being as silly as Haru, that was all. "Nothing wrong...with what?" Now he was curious. Maybe too much for his own good here, but Yuki was curious.

He hadn't tried to be with girls because of the curse and the pain that it brought. And he was thinking on this when he noted Snow was combing his hair with his fingers. So he turned back to the window and listened to the rest of what the other had to say. And he couldn't keep the smile out of his tone now as he turned to look at the blonde. "You..really are a knight."

"Really? I mean. You just have a certain regal look or...Your manners give you that kind of air, I guess." Snow thought it had to be coincidence. It had just been what came to mind when he thought of Yuki and the way he spoke sometimes. His chin was propped over his crossed arms as he leaned down over the back of the chair.

"Nothing wrong with having softer looks. I think it's nice. I mean, I like it..." Okay that sounded awkward. "I mean uh, you look good to me." Snow cleared his throat a little and straightened. "Anyway." Silly he could be, especially with his phrasing at times.

"A knight, well. I can't say I mind being a knight." Snow chuckled, gazing after Yuki who'd moved towards the window. He hoped he hadn't embarrassed his friend too much, in any case.

Edited 2014-02-17 07:17 (UTC)

His face turned redder the more Snow went on to the point of he wasn't sure what to say. He stayed quiet to the point he hid his face in his hands. He'd kept trying to look past the silly things Snow was saying and it was just making him shut down. "Thank you." he finally managed to whisper though he couldn't get much else past his throat.

Now Yuki really didn't know what to make of all of those things, surely Snow was just trying to make him feel better or something. And the smallest smile graced his lips as he heard the other say that he didn't mind being a knight.

He came off oddly when he was trying to compliment Yuki in a sincere way. He could sense the awkwardness in the room and out of reflex couldn't help but feel the burn of a blush himself. Still, he'd backpedal a little if he had to, even if he meant well by what he said. "You're...welcome." He managed to get out before long, clearing his throat.

When there was silence left to hang in the air Snow rolled his shoulders, moving both arms up in a solid stretch. He didn't mind just staying where he was if Yuki was more comfortable. "So..." He said, as if fishing for some topic of conversation, trying his best to at least make himself not come off as foolish. "Anything on your mind right now?" Was that really any better, Snow?

"I'm thinking that you speak before you think about how your words can be perceived by others." This was said with something of a smile and realized Snow was feeling awkward. He hadn't even turned around or looked at the other but heard it clearly in the tone.

Snow was clumsy in a way that could be endearing so it was no wonder this woman named Serah had lost her heart to him. So he turned and faced Snow. If the other could dish it out, so could he. "It's not often that you don't know what to say to me...sir knight."

Snow realized that a little belatedly, but given he'd already said it it was a little too late to take back now. "So tell me what it sounds like." Snow said carefully, wondering exactly what it was he was giving off so he could better understand what his presentation of compliments were.

It wasn't so much that he was socially awkward as it was him trying to treat Yuki in a way he thought appropriate and gently too so that he didn't get scared off. Though in this case it was more that he had a tendency to speak his mind without thinking, just like Yuki said.

A flood of reactions went through the silver haired man but he held his temper and kept his tone calm. "Why don't you tell me what it would sound like if I said all of those pretty things to you?" This was him refusing to take the blame for taking things out of context. He wanted Snow to think, that was all. Maybe the man didn't have to think normally but still.

"If you say such things to people so easy, one either has to question your sincerity or your ability to think things through before you say them." He refused to show anger but he was starting to get irritated.

Snow went quiet then, swallowing a little under the burn of Yuki's glare. "Can't be just pretty things when you really mean them." He said softly, after a moment. He realized how it sounded, and maybe to some degree he needed to admit some things to himself.

"I'm sorry."

He probably shouldn't have said those things, even if he thought he was being nice. It was more...leading others on in a way that wasn't what he should do, if he didn't mean it. But maybe the scary thing was that he did.

"You're right." Snow admitted in an apologetic tone, taking a breath. "I'm a little new at this. Sorry. Just that I'm not sure what it'll mean if I say this plainly but here goes...I like you."

Yuki sighed. Maybe he'd put an end to it now and Snow would just stop with the sweet words and just stop with everything else too. So he turned away and shook his head and was about to just dismiss it when he heard Snow's apology.

Curious, he turned around and looked at the other which was a mistake. Because then Snow being Snow took it a step further with putting his foot in his mouth and Yuki stared at the pronouncement.

Amethyst eyes went wide and he shook his head. That..that wasn't right of him to say. Snow had no right. It was almost like the day Zack had found him in rat form under the dresser, something he wasn't supposed to have ever seen. But Snow took the rug away so to speak that Yuki had been hiding behind.

But he had one last defense and it was meant to slap himself back into reality, though he knew it would hurt both of them and lowered his head in a silent sort of apology. "But..how..how can you say that? What about Serah? Wouldn't..you want to be with her if she shows up?" And how could Snow say no to that? They were betrothed, that meant far more than..whatever was running through the other's head currently.

Yuki didn't want to be a second choice or replaced should Snow's fiancee' show up to try and live happily ever after. And he'd grieved over losing Machi and her letter had been a bitter and angry one, Yuki didn't know what to believe on that.

Snow was now feeling the impact from both Yuki's words and the fact that what he'd said...His heart was too honest and he knew it was going to be harder to explain himself or to justify when Serah was...Serah was his whole world. But there was a hard truth he had to accept, and it might hurt but if he didn't hurt himself then he'd only end up hurting Yuki instead. If nothing else, Snow knew he could at least take the hurt even if it really lanced through the heart.

"I..." There's a definite hesitation as he mulled this over. No one said his life was easy, or that the way things were now that they weren't complicated, even if he put it into words for the other to understand Snow wasn't certain Yuki would. His feelings were never just for show.

"She was my wife-to-be. I promised to be hers. But...I can't count on what-if's. The thing is, I told you before. S-she's...gone." He said it at a near whisper, his fist clenching so hard the leather creaked. There were tears in his eyes which is a big part of the reason he couldn't face the other right then. "I didn't want to admit it to myself, that this crystal meant goodbye. Maybe she'll always be a part of me in a way. Giving me hope, in her own way. She would like to see me happy, I know that much. She was very important to me. But that doesn't mean that I'm saying things lightly, alright? I get how it sounds. I'd just...appreciate if you'd stop acting like I'm insincere."

"But I get that you don't think I'm serious. That's fine. I get it." He rose up from the chair, turning away from Yuki and towards the door. "I'm not sure what could happen. I don't know. No one does. I respect if you'd want to dismiss what I said even if I'd rather you didn't. I can't..fix things to be perfect or to give you a perfect answer. I'm not...that great." Snow's voice was thick now as he tried to keep from letting the tears fall. This was very hard on him. And the "proof" that Yuki wanted, Snow wasn't sure he could give.

"If she came back, I don't think I'd know what to do. I'd be more lost than I am now. I don't think...she's ever coming back. But I do know one thing: I'm not the type who would go and tell you something like this only so I could take it back later."

He was quiet and Yuki mentally cursed himself. He had told himself he only wanted to see Snow smile and he'd used Serah selfishly as a shield to hide. And there he went, hurting the only one who'd been the soul of kindness itself to him. Damn him would he ever learn..

Yuki lowered his head and shook it after Snow got up. He wanted to reach out for the other but wasn't sure if he'd hurt Snow far too much. "No..I'm sorry. I'm bringing up a subject you..you couldn't possibly have an answer to. And I'm not dismissing anything you said."

Again he wasn't sure he was saying anything right because everything felt like it was coming out all wrong. "If..if I'm not allowed to run..I want.." And somehow Yuki took the steps to stand behind Snow and reached up to grab a fistful of the other's coat, while placing his head against Snow's back, and his voice dropped to a whisper. "Please..don't..leave..don't..don't go."

Edited 2014-02-17 12:35 (UTC)

Somehow he felt like his lungs weren't working, or maybe it was just that his heart felt so heavy that it pained him. The pangs were more than what he thought he could bear, even if he could keep going. It didn't mean he couldn't feel the hurt from something like that. Snow was a wall, but not always an impenetrable one.

With his eyes burning he managed to struggle with his grief, and with the loneliness pulling him into an endless sea of dread he felt like he were drowning. His words just wouldn't come out now, and even if he didn't mean to be this way this overwhelming sense of despair had a way of putting a stranglehold on him.

He sucked in a breath at the pressure at his back, feeling that hand and those words and wanting so badly to just bask in the comfort but not knowing if he should. Against all better judgment or maybe towards a right one, Snow somehow grabbed him in his arms and held tight, his choked breathing quieted as he buried his face in Yuki's hair. The tears were flowing now, and he just so badly needed someone to hold onto...right here.

"...I...I'm not going." He managed to get out, just barely above a whisper on his own.

He had no idea what to do now but Snow solved that for him. He was turned and held onto, hearing Snow's breathing and feeling all the more guilty for it. Yuki drew a hitched breath as Snow held onto him almost for dear life it seemed. And Yuki promised Snow silently that he'd be there. His shirt felt wet soon and knew the other was crying, hating himself for causing that pain.

But instead he reached up and put his arms around Snow's neck and gently clasped a fistful of that blonde hair in his hands. He didn't know how to comfort the other but he was trying. Yuki felt so clumsy with this, but he was determined to be there for Snow regardless of what it cost him. "I'm here..and thank you." This was said as Yuki pushed his head against Snow though he felt bad because the other man was so tall he mist be straining to bend like this. But he didn't know is he should..have them move.

The mixed feelings of grief, of sorrow mixed with this sort of empty feeling made Snow need someone to feel whole again. The hero never felt so lonely as he did now, especially given those terrible questions being posed to him that made him vulnerable and unable to say anything beyond the way he held fast to the silver-haired man in his arms.

The way the pressure felt with those arms around his neck was better than he imagined it to be, Snow's broad chest heaving slightly as he struggled to catch his breath. His heart was racing, and it was all these emotions that forced him to bow under the pressure. The tugging of his hair made him suddenly aware of how close they were, but he pulled back enough to stare into those eyes, his own misty still. He was fighting to keep composed, and perhaps felt that tears wouldn't change anything. At times, they were necessary.

"...For what?" Snow mumbled, truly not knowing what he'd done that could possibly be worth thanking. In some way, he needed someone to be his hero, and not the other way around. He exhaled at the feeling of the closeness, not sure what to do though he'd never backed down from something like this before. If he gave in would it truly be so bad? Slowly, he lowered his head to tentatively brush his lips on Yuki's, knowing he could be asking for more than he should be in this moment but he couldn't bring himself to care what the consequences might be.

Edited 2014-02-17 21:06 (UTC)

He wasn't sure but that feeling on his lips felt familiar somehow. Yuki was surprised but his hands slid to Snow's face. Maybe they shouldn't be doing this, maybe this was supposed to never happen but if this was the only way that he could comfort Snow then he'd do it.

This was his first kiss with a man and his body trembled slightly. But right now his knight needed him , even if it felt like he was slowly being toppled over a cliff. His knight was with him. So somehow it would be alright.
Pulling back to answer Snow, Yuki's face was red but he didn't care. "Thank you..for not leaving me." Then he placed his lips back against Snow's. He didn't want to let go or have Snow let go. But he felt like he'd finally found his home and it was with his knight.

So as they kissed Yuki kept Snow's face cradled gently in his hands as he softly kissed those soft lips.

Edited 2014-02-17 23:41 (UTC)

Logic and sense weren't in the equation now as they stood so close, arms wrapped around each other in the midst of their kiss. Snow's feelings were at times far too big to rightly make sense of what his actions could be, and given their emotions had hit a boiling point, perhaps it was foolish but it ended up this way.

Snow knew he shouldn't have, but he couldn't seem to stop once that gentle mouth closed on his. The warmth and the comfort transferred from just a kiss spoke volumes more than words ever could. It couldn't be more clear that it was wanted or even needed from Yuki's end too, and somehow it felt right even if his mind wasn't properly reasoning anymore. His mouth parted to accommodate Yuki with a firmer, deeper kiss, his large hand moving to cup the back of Yuki's neck as he kept his arm wound around him and drew him more tightly against himself.

Edited 2014-02-18 06:57 (UTC)

Yuki wasn't sure how to feel. Somewhere inside he felt guilty and the childish notion of 'Snow started it' wouldn't hold water. And speaking of, this was a far cry from the last kiss that he'd shared with someone. This kiss threatened to overwhelm him and claim him without pity or mercy.

Feeling the tighter tug on him, he had to stop this or he was going to be much further swept up into this kiss. And he shocked himself by not caring about that a whole lot at this point. Snow was dangerous and reckless, but then again so was he because Yuki hadn't fought it at all.

Snow eased up when he felt Yuki tense, the hero eventually parting enough to give Yuki a little time to recover. He knew he should have apologized, or let Yuki put a stop to it altogether but he was tired of fighting his feelings.

He swallowed and forced himself back a little, still not letting go of him entirely but just staring into his eyes. He felt like he needed this connection, more so than he might let on.

"You're not...mad are you?" Snow asked quietly, the painful thoughts and memories at least dying down to a dull throb rather than overwhelming him now. If he focused on Yuki, then things were better, right? Of course he couldn't completely forget Serah, but would Yuki really want to make him forget such an important part of himself?

Yuki looked at Snow and got lost in the eyes. Did the recriminations start now? Was Snow mad? Is that why he was asking? And he could only let himself stare into those eyes for so long. "No. Are..you?"

Was this what it was supposed to be? Yuki definitely lacked experience and he was more than sure it had showed. But instead of being able to out stare those eyes, he turned his head away just in case Snow was upset with him. He really thought about hugging Snow and finally he mentally berated himself so hard that he couldn't run away that he did. He didn't care what anyone else thought, he just needed to hold onto something or someone. He wanted Snow to share his warmth with him and do basic day to day things together. Hopefully he didn't blow it.

"No...I'm not mad." Snow gave confirmation by squeezing him into another embrace, not ignoring at all the plight that they faced. This was his first time feeling this way about another man, and when it came with the burdens it did that only complicated things more. In any case he just wanted to do what was right, what would be best for both Yuki and himself.

Hopefully, things would work out. He had to believe that they could, and then things would be fine, right? His hand came up just to gently guide Yuki's face back to him, to stare into those eyes.

"I don't know where things could lead but...If you're willing to give it a try, would you?" Snow hadn't expect things to happen so drastically, but here it was, out on the table for him to see. "This is new territory for me too, so. We can learn together." He was willing to take things slow. "I just...need you." Snow said softly as he lowered onto his knee to give him a level stare into his eyes.

He was shaking and didn't know how to face what had been so easy just moments ago. He felt Snow pull back at him and his mouth opened, wondering why he was being asked this. Well he knew the reason to that but he hadn't expected it. Well to be truthful he hadn't expected any of this. But he'd felt drawn to the man ever since the day they met and Yuki had no idea why. Yuki couldn't even bring himself to call Snow out on this or challenge him, there was simply none of that in him right now. So he could only hope that the other was sincere because he both looked and sounded it.

"You..you need me?" Hearing this made Yuki almost want to cry. He wanted to be needed. Why..how did Snow know what to say? So he stared and blinked repeatedly trying to process words that were coming at him way too fast. And what did he even say to this offer?

Yuki hated that his brain, so normally calm and cool felt so out to lunch. "I.." Several moments passed without another sound and then he almost threw himself into Snow's arms, holding on tight.

Snow knew he could have been much worse in the way he'd said or done things, but it was the only way he knew how in that moment. He was asking because he wanted to see if they could make it work. He saw potential, and like Yuki he'd felt a connection with Yuki and hadn't quite knew how to work it out into concrete words beyond that he felt he needed him.

"I never say things I don't truly mean." Snow said firmly, no sooner saying that though than he caught Yuki's shocked and simultaneously baffled expression.

The way he was precariously on his knee meant that the momentum of Yuki's launching himself in his arms caused him to fall backwards, Snow managing a "woah!" before he toppled backwards with the other on top, still very close to his face.

"Easy there," he laughed tentatively from his position on the floor with that shaggy hair still visible, though he accepted that the bursts of emotions meant that slowly, ever so slowly Yuki was opening up. He liked seeing this side of him, in any case.

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